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1st Step Of Renewal

by BXL

  • Streaming + Download

    recorded and mixed by Pascal Mondaz in Clermont Ferrand / France between june and september 2009
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Days to come 04:56
I guess I know you, cause I drive you mad. I'm aware that it’s getting hard. I follow my urges from the start. A long trip doesn’t inspire confidence. It made you cry, I didn't feel the same. God only knows how it will take place, be sure that I am genuine. Since I know you I drive you mad. I’m aware that it’s getting hard. But I feel the need for a change of life. Lots of things to reclaim. You forgive and forget. Could I be as strong as you? Days to come are the main thing. I won’t do the same. I'll try to love as well as you. Everything was right. You don’t understand what I’ve done. Don’t remember the cause. You could kick me down. I could get out of the way of your soul, leave you alone. Things will improve. Do I understand all the rules? Will I love you enough? Is this change a hot stuff? Otherwise I will let you kick me down.
Ghosts haunt haunted castles, and all the people run. Spirits communicate with tables, and all the people pray. Ladybirds bring happiness, and people look for them. Nessie is a monster who lives in Loch Ness Lake. How to believe that someone can see the future, that God made things, or a teller can read the cards? How to believe that a bowl can tell the future? It’s all in your dreams. Am I too down-to-earth? In the end, I'd like to be surprised, and feel sorry. Ghosts will have a lot of fun around my grave for me.
That's OK 03:55
When I go to a town, I feel really stressed. I can’t figured it out, my heart is like an express. Don’t you know that? I’m not crazy, I’m ok, but you should help me if we stay here. I’m thinking about the way to live here. People don’t care about all the things I miss here. Although there are bigger towns, some are crazy, it’s ok but you should help me if we stay here. One of the things that I know is that I feel excited when I’m writing a song, it’s also like an express. I don’t think that’s why you should love me, but it's ok, I could help you if you stay with me. It’s time to believe in all my choices. It’s time to forget about the old things.
In the 90’s, I was barely ten. There was a mood, people didn’t pretend. I was well brought up, I liked Dire Straits. Listened it everyday, I did wear out my tape. For about five years, teens are in fashion. I did it too but there is no addiction. Don’t want to be a crock, just live with my time. I look at the clock, hoping that it will be fine. I do nothing else than what I want. To do the best, otherwise I can't. Remember the 90’s and I think of that. If you are looking for the fake, you get it now. Music means nothing more for you than a way to take a break all night. We’ll never feel the same emotion with it but you can enjoy mine, it’s light. If you are looking for the fake, you get it now. You must deal with. It doesn’t matter.
Since all these songs, I can’t do anything else, my aim is to build them. Like a collection, you can’t quit or replay, the fun is to add them. Always feel wrong, when I’m next to a male, you know a real male. When you hear this song, don’t you feel anything? Always in the clouds, from where I see nothing. Know I am too proud, does it change something? Don’t really need a wife, will I miss something? My mind is on my mouth, you’re always wrong. Some day I will move away, I hope you’ll feel the same; we’ll have to move on.
Nausea 04:14
/ Anytime I’m down, I need no one to rebuild myself. Sometimes it’s wrong, nausea lasts, I need some help. Every time I wake up, I’m cold, there’s sweat on my neck. All the time that I have is used to get back in good shape. Anytime I stroll, I feel observed, am I looking bad? Sometimes it’s wrong, the sun shines out of my ass. Every time I wake up, I say “shut up” and watch the ground. All the time that I have, I make my friends go round and round. Whatever you know, I keep you guessing again and again. What do you want to know? Some questions go through my head. Sometimes you know I lay down on a curb in the street.
Nothing’s gonna help me even though I pray. All is getting darker like my faith. Feeling like a part of anything. Feeling like I could sink in the sea. My expectations are taller than they’re right. I figure them out, suddenly it becomes bright. I used to dream about being a rock’n’roll star. It’s true, sometimes I have seen too far. I’m getting all the answers living through the chaos. I hope the future will be so kind. I’m not that intense person I would like to pretend. I have nothing to declare except the troubles with my mind.
I want ur love and go far away. I feel so closed, sense your kiss on my neck. Hey you girl, you know, pretty is your name. Got a fix for your show, nice time to spend. So hot, made me hard, until the end. Stay on screen, and let me know the way you like it. Standing up, laying down, how you like it best. Now you take your skirt off, do not pretend. On the beat, keep the rhythm, take a look around. On your seat, feel the moment, lose yourself to the ground. Wait a bit, never done, don’t let it go out. God / Help me / Frustration will kill me/ I can’t stand / Hankering never ends / Turn / Look at me / You looks so sexy / Now I’m damned / Hankering never ends.
Waking up by murdering dreams. These could only be ‘cause of fear. Everyday I make mistakes. Every night I fall on regrets. Listen to your stupid stories. Nothing worse, nothing more boring. Lonely nights and lonely days. That’s the way I feel best anyway. Time seems to drag, within a break. If only I could rule the world and make you suffocate. All the people will realize that I could really rule the world and show myself unkind. Going through these words, sharing my world, a feeling of loneliness. Real makes you hurt, sharing our world is what we do every single day.
Up and down 03:51
First time I loved was naïve. Just looked for the dream girl. Soon it’ll be more complex troubles and shit will be around. Here is up and down. Within myself I faced some hard times, but I‘ve beaten them all. Here is up and down. For years I thought I’d found the way to keep going forward. That’s the same weird thing that right now makes me bad. Here is up and down. Let’s wait for tomorrow. I guess that is fine. Don’t need to have sorrow. We’re going where the wind brings us. Here is to follow my brand new plan. Don’t need to sorrow. We’re going where the wind brings us.
How to wake up and note when last night was so quiet. I know that for you last night was the hardest and the longest. So far was the time, when my grandmother put five or six sugars in hot milk, which makes me sick now...It’s not unsmiling, now I’ve bridged over. Lonely in the dark. Why are you going there? How can I love you back? It shot me in full breast. How to react when last night was nearly in November. It was not easy to go along with the fact that someday life could be over. So troubling for a child to go go go from hospital to hospital. Since this time I cover up myself, that’s why sometimes you can hit upon a wall. Finally in the dark. What are you looking for there? How can I think you’re right? It shot me in full breast. Devil, you love me, I hate you so sunday was long, so long and so hard for my son. Devil, you hated me, I loved you so sunday was long, so long and so hard for my son.
I usually get the same feeling when I have a smoke at night. I feel like waiting for something, but I really don't know what. That night has been clear for me, I have to get away. Above all, my favourite feeling is when I know what's going on. I was scared of leaving my town; but it was so fine. I have to make the right choice, and keep it in my mind. Yesterday I woke up and wanted to stay. Now I know I can write songs here, there or everywhere. I wait to do things and someone waits on the other side. I wait to do things but someone hurts on the other side. I guess I don’t have the right.


recorded and mixed by Pascal Mondaz in Clermont Ferrand / France between june and september 2009


released January 1, 2010



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